It looks like I have again turned a corner in this process. From feeling driven to find out what I should write to waiting until the post wants to be written. When that happens it is very easy to put a piece together. But I have learned that between postings, I get the feeling that I will never post again – not an idea in my head. This was very difficult to deal with but I have come to trust that a new post will appear when the time is right. I am learning to rest in the off time when nothing seems to be brewing. It isn’t that I forget about everything, far from it. I still look at twitter and scan the horizon for what is happening. I post on Facebook when something strikes me. But writing on the blog requires something different and I must wait until it appears.
Another shift has been noticing how much my ego can get hooked on watching whether anyone is reading on the site, how many, what posts. Following that totally unpredictable and intelligible bit of information began to drain my energy. At first I thought it was all up to me to generate traffic all the the time. I have also let go of that. I have let go of competing with the people who get big followers and lots of re-tweets. I have had to face this aspect that is part of working on the web where so many people are seeking attention. To deal with this competitive part, it was important for me to re-examine my intention. Why am I doing this? Who am I doing it for?
My conclusion finally reached was to accept that I have no choice but to do this. It is a kind of inner drive that actually nourishes my creative spirit, enlightens me to far reaches of events, pulls me into contact with unheard of experiments and shoots of out-of-the-box thinking. It is fun when I relax and let go. It is exciting when I rest in-between. Just as in my whole consulting career, it is hard to really know if you are making a difference or not. You just have to let go of expectations, let go of wanting to know how individuals are touched. This was a good realization. I can live and work with it.
The last piece that I have had to face is that fact that perhaps there may come a time when no inspiration comes to write a piece. If that time comes, I have accepted that there are many others who are doing similar things. This is a joint project, even if we don’t see each other. Many of us are reaching out with good news. And many of them are done by very savvy media geeks, who know way more than I do. And so I trust that this is all OK. And then I can find a balance during this very fascinating time. And I am grateful for it all.