This year so far has been pretty intense. January was filled with high energy and new insights. The last blog I wrote in January felt like a new way of writing where I brought my own opinions more into the open. I was surprised to get so much feedback on this blog. And I like it myself. Felt right and clear. It was easy to writes even in the hectic days before I had to leave for Asia.
The end of January was marked by starting a Wisdom Circle that will be going over 6 months, meeting once a month. This was another big initiative that required lots of self-reflection and courage to allow me to dive into a new phase in my teaching and own development. The Circle is an advanced personal /spiritual growth opportunity where the space for deep reflection and inquiry will take us all into the “unknown”. The first and now the second session of this Circle has left me feeling deeply connected to this work. And gives me a sense of coming home to my Real Work. Yet it stirs up lots of insecurities and anxiety revealing to me the areas that need more integrating. A wonderful gift.
After the start up of the Wisdom Circle I traveled with my husband to Malaysia where I did a leadership development program that I have run twice before. KL is my favorite place to work because the participants are mostly from Asia and I like working with Asians. What was special about this program was the fact that I had decided that this would be my last “gig” before “retiring” from corporate work. This felt easy and I was excited about it.
After the program was completed we traveled to Thailand for a “vacation”. But I couldn’t settle down. I wanted to continue on the blog. But this turned out to be impossible. Difficult internet connection, no place to work and too many distractions to allow me the mental and spiritual access that was needed to write the blog. I kept trying hard until I decided I better let it go and be on “vacation”. That’s when it happened. A feeling of loss and emptiness overwhelmed me – despite the lovely climate and relaxed atmosphere. No more “work” and no blog to keep me busy and feeling like I was doing something meaningful. So another layer of resistance to Life surfaced.
I understand it more now and know that this is an important layer to integrate and understand. I have been back in Norway for two weeks now and finally was able to send off a new blog. But once again something has changed around the blogging. It is difficult to catch the wave of change that I feel is bubbling under the surface. I am just able to touch a bit on it when I write. I sense the power of evolution emerging so clearly although daily life looks more or less the same. It is almost like there are two “worlds” existing at the same time.
One world is the intense expansion and connection happening in social media that I access through blogging and searching on the internet. Much of the emergence is only visible there and not everyone is looking there! So daily life and mainstream media only touches a bit on this underlying evolving edge. How to find and articulate the kernels that are important to understand? How to help myself and others prepare for the changes that may surprise and shock us when they surface? Then there is the intense activity on my own inner level as new insights and old beliefs clash and transformation work continues.
I find tremendous support in the deeper levels of Essence and would like to talk more about that but save it for more intimate conversations. I continue to probe my role and what I can bring to the world at this time. I wonder about the young people following me on Facebook – with 5000+ followers, the majority under 25 and the most active city being Kuala Lumpur! I feel them there yet have little response to my posts so don’t really know what they are thinking.
It is hard to work in the dark. Yet isn’t that what this is all about! We don’t know our impact. We don’t know where we are going. We just know that we must follow our inner impulses. I have come to that conclusion before. And in the end – the only person who needs to awaken is myself. So the journey continues. And I am grateful for the stones in the path- they keep me awake and make my legs strong!