Creative Renewal

It has been almost a year since I wrote anything here! As usual I am in a new place and I find myself writing posts that speak of what I myself have experienced or learned about in my own life.

The last two posts blossomed out of our time in Thailand in January and February. It was a time of both making exciting new contacts and having much time for reflection.  Another blossoming in Thailand was the new experience of playing with words to make them into poems. These poems seemed to reflect both the physical and the spiritual experiences of my time there.

I finally decided to share some of them here because they speak to the themes that I am investigating in my own personal development and to what seems to be trying to evolve generally speaking.

 

The Beach

 

I walk briskly down the beach at low tide

Feeling at one with the breeze and the sky

Splashing a wake in the warm lapping waves

Touched by the sight of the light and blue haze.

 

Suddenly I’m struck with a wild knowing.

Yes- I am a spiritual being

Enjoying physical reality

Not a body seeking spirituality

 

I find myself wishing desperately

That we multi-colored humans could see

That the truth beyond culture’s tyranny,

Is the jewel of connectivity!

 

The Dream Maker

 

The Dream Maker awakens me in Thailand,

Weaving a story of my life each day

Out of my experience, small or grand,

Offering me a mirror where I can play.

 

Keep your outer boundaries transparent

Open the gates of your mind and heart wide.

Discover the connection inherent

In everything, although masked in disguise.

 

Is this the mystery we humans must solve?

Learning to read the magic formula,

And understand what’s trying to evolve

From the secrets hidden in trivia?

 

Cease judging both the familiar and strange

Comparing, excluding and acting proud.

Thinking you belong on a higher plane

When everyone is one and the same crowd.

 

I wonder what miracle might occur

If we understood this reality

And met with openness even what hurts –

Getting the whole point of duality.

 

 

Thai Rain

 

Thick haze hides the mountains and embraces

The trees with a humid breeze – secret signs

Of weather shifting mood. The sea agrees,

Stirring surf, swelling waves and cresting foam

In early dawn. By breakfast the sky sends

Rain on its way. Tip-toeing in, dripping

through the drain-pipes it takes captive the day.

 

A bright flash of lightning catches my eye

And rain splashes down with force from on high.

A gasp rises from the crowd as daylight

Becomes gloom. To add to the atmosphere

A thunderbolt booms a warning of charge

Scattering bathers at the pool, tourists

Set adrift with nothing to do. All eyes

On the torrents pounding with a clatter

Then abating, a mild pitter-patter.

And rising again with full force, great sheets

Of water crash down around us like wrath

People huddle staying out of its path.

 

What a purification and cleansing!

I wish it could melt my limitations,

Banish the old patterns clogging my brain,

Fully liberate myself with Thai rain.

 

 

 

 

It looks like the process of working on HOPE continues to be a catalyst for my own personal development.  At least the changes that I feel happening in me get reflected on the HOPE pages.  What occurred to me at this time is a sense that his Personal Process page and the main HOPE site seem to be merging into one.  Although I don’t go into the details on the main site, what seems to be changing in my own presence coming more and more into my blogs.  I am feeling closer to myself and to whoever might be reading the postings.  This leads me to pay more attention to what is arising in my life at this time and how it is related to the HOPE initiative.  Sometimes the relationship is obvious and other times it is more subtle.

There is also a subtle shift becoming clear to me around my inner motivations for writing the blog and my relationship to the blog post itself.  It seems to me that when I started this project, I was mostly motivated by wanting to inform others about what is happening on the evolutionary front.  This stemmed from a sense that most news was not reaching the mainstream media or that people don’t have time to hunt for information  and I could provide a service around this.  My deeper drive was a sense of urgency and an underlying fear of the lack of action from the general public.

I am in a slightly different place today.  I still feel the sense of urgency and the other issues but my engagement feels more driven by love than fear.  I have a more relaxed attitude to the project and trust that what and when I write is good enough and will serve whatever it serves.  I have accepted more that it i actually possible that we won’t be able to do what needs to be done in time and if that happens it is serving something greater that we don’t understand from this perspective.  At the same time I am more aware of the massive movement of initiatives and projects that are moving people and the planet in a new direction, despite the fact that this is not always visible because of our current way of perceiving in the main media.  Yet some things are beginning to bleed through and reach us in bits and pieces.  Some stunning articles, some amazing discoveries.  Those who have eyes to see, will see.  And those who don’t won’t notice a transformational aspect beginning to show through.

What is causing my change?  I think my most current blog helps explain it somewhat.  It has to do with allowing and feeling the pain and fear, at times almost despair, the anger at my family and friends who don’t look, and all the negative feeling and reactions this work was bringing into my life.  I have learned with my Diamond Work that the only way through is to go into the pain.  This message is repeated through the Pachamama material and I believe I was able to see the power of it because of my own process.

My own spiritual experiences are also expanding and bringing me a great sense of support and trust.  Through the continual inquiry of what is present at this moment, allowing it to really be there, without pushing it away has helped me to move to another level of commitment and experience.

I continue to study the evolutionary impulse, the evolutionary trends and seek teachers who emphasize these approaches.  These programs support my Diamond Work and align well with my other human development theories that I have studied over the years. The Integral Approach is also coming more and more into my studies and my contacts.  My network of people involved in this work is expanding exponentially.  Right now I am studying with Craig Hamilton whom I found through the Shift Network, although he is in the Integral Movement.  His course is called Awakening to an Evolutionary Relationship to Life. This is an advanced and intensive program that goes over 9 sessions geared to move participants to a deeper relationship with their Essence Self which he calls Evolutionary Self.  What is interesting is that there are over one thousand people attending from I think it was 47 countries— a truly global community of evolutionary seekers.  The entire program is supported by an extensive on-line community with small groups of 16 and many places for sharing and getting to know people in my local area.  Plus I am connecting with other individuals doing Human Emergence work around the world and feel guided and flowing around new connections.

I have just turned 70 and feel like my “real” life is just beginning.  A freedom and a purpose fill my soul. This is amazing to me as I actually dreaded turning 70 – it seemed like the beginning of the end! But instead  I am able to take life in more deeply and feel my heart open wider in compassion for myself and the world.

 

“Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.”
― Rumi

The last post I wrote, Time for “Swarming” represents a shift in my writing and thinking.  It feels like I have broken through the glass ceiling of my own limitations by saying clearly what is true for me at this moment.  I know that I was inspired by the courage of a young blogger Christopher Baan in his recent post on 2Lead. This led me to allow myself to point to the gravity of the world situation as I see it.  I find it sometimes quite unbearable to see how little most people pay attention to the mess that faces our planet and our way of life.  Each day brings another revelation. I understand how activists burn out.

I know that I have been afraid to pull back the curtain of illusion and allow myself to point to the need for every person to wake up and become part of the solution.  I have been afraid of the reactions from family and friends, worried about being labeled in ways that made me shiver. When I asked one of my sisters what she thought I interpreted her short answer as evasive and assumed she didn’t like it.  But she responded that “the article made her think and that this was a good thing.” That was a relief.  Since I am still on guard for “labels”,  I have been happily surprised by the positive feedback coming my way!

Interestingly, a new blog is already forming in my mind. A stream of material has been catching my eye just in these last few days.  It seems like the next blog will have another tone – it may even point to a Vision or a New-Story for the emerging future. I think my willingness to present something more than small seeds of hope has given me the space to move beyond Hope to “Intention”.

This is a big leap.  It means daring to imagine a new future, even in the face of physical evidence that seems quite awful.  I must make these pictures my own before I can share them with others.  I have seen a New Story on the horizon for some time but haven’t felt compelled to be the Story Teller.  This may be the next step.  We will see how this new seed sprouts in my soul.

What I do feel is a sense of strength and willingness to speak of the signs I see, even in the fog of so much complexity.  I have been afraid to sketch out what I see for fear that something new will appear to negate what I thought I saw.  I have been relying on relating what others see, partly because I haven’t trusted my own eyes and partly to protect myself against criticism.

What I recognize now is that we are all in a mist.  I can be as good a lookout as the next one.  This doesn’t mean that I don’t do research and give credit to sources but that I dare to weave the various sightings together to offer my own perspective as best I can.

I believe that the recent struggle with transition into retirement with times of loneliness and frustration have attuned me to a new level of independence and courage.  If this contributes to being a better instrument in this time of transition, I feel humbly grateful and blessed.

I believe that the inner work is the most important work during this time.  I know that is the only way that I can stand firmly planted in Stream of Source knowing “all is well” despite the crash of waves and the roar of wind.

 

 

This year so far has been pretty intense.  January was filled with high energy and new insights.  The last blog I wrote in January felt like a new way of writing where I brought my own opinions more into the open.  I was surprised to get so much feedback on this blog. And I like it myself.  Felt right and clear.  It was easy to writes even in the hectic days before I had to leave for Asia.

The end of January was marked by starting a Wisdom Circle that will be going over 6 months, meeting once a month.  This was another big initiative that required lots of self-reflection and courage to allow me to dive into a new phase in my teaching and own development.  The Circle is an advanced personal /spiritual growth opportunity where the space for deep reflection and inquiry will take us all into the “unknown”.  The first and now the second session of this Circle has left me feeling deeply connected to this work.  And gives me a sense of coming home to my Real Work.  Yet it stirs up lots of insecurities and anxiety revealing to me the areas that need more integrating.  A wonderful gift.

After the start up of the Wisdom Circle I traveled with my husband to Malaysia where I did a leadership development program that I have run twice before.  KL is my favorite place to work because the participants are mostly from Asia and I like working with Asians.  What was special about this program was the fact that I had decided that this would be my last “gig” before “retiring” from corporate work.  This felt easy and I was excited about it.

After the program was completed we traveled to Thailand for a “vacation”.  But I couldn’t settle down.  I wanted to continue on the blog.  But this turned out to be impossible.  Difficult internet connection, no place to work and too many distractions to allow me the mental and spiritual access that was needed to write the blog.  I kept trying hard until I decided I better let it go and be on “vacation”.  That’s when it happened.  A feeling of loss and emptiness overwhelmed me – despite the lovely climate and relaxed atmosphere.  No more “work” and no blog to keep me busy and feeling like I was doing something meaningful.  So another layer of resistance to Life surfaced.

I understand it more now and know that this is an important layer to integrate and understand.  I have been back in Norway for two weeks now and finally was able to send off a new blog.  But once again something has changed around the blogging.  It is difficult to catch the wave of change that I feel is bubbling under the surface.  I am just able to touch a bit on it when I write.  I sense the power of evolution emerging so clearly although daily life looks more or less the same.  It is almost like there are two “worlds” existing at the same time.

One world is the intense expansion and connection happening in social media that I access through blogging and searching on the internet.  Much of the emergence is only visible there and not everyone is looking there!  So daily life and mainstream media only touches a bit on this underlying evolving edge.  How to find and articulate the kernels that are important to understand?  How to help myself and others prepare for the changes that may surprise and shock us when they surface?  Then there is the intense activity on my own inner level as new insights and old beliefs clash and transformation work continues.

I find tremendous support in the deeper levels of Essence and would like to talk more about that but save it for more intimate conversations.  I continue to probe my role and what I can bring to the world at this time.  I wonder about the young people following me on Facebook – with 5000+ followers, the majority under 25 and the most active city being Kuala Lumpur!  I feel them there yet have little response to my posts so don’t really know what they are thinking.

It is hard to work in the dark.  Yet isn’t that what this is all about! We don’t know our impact.  We don’t know where we are going.  We just know that we must follow our inner impulses.  I have come to that conclusion before.  And in the end – the only person who needs to awaken is myself.  So the journey continues.  And I am grateful for the stones in the path- they keep me awake and make my legs strong!

It looks like I have again turned a corner in this process.  From feeling driven to find out what I should write to waiting until the post wants to be written.  When that happens it is very easy to put a piece together.  But I have learned that between postings, I get the feeling that I will never post again – not an idea in my head.  This was very difficult to deal with but I have come to trust that a new post will appear when the time is right. I am learning to rest in the off time when nothing seems to be brewing. It isn’t that I forget about everything, far from it.  I still look at twitter and scan the horizon for what is happening.  I post on Facebook when something strikes me.  But writing on the blog requires something different and I must wait until it appears.

Another shift has been noticing how much my ego can get hooked on watching whether anyone is reading on the site, how many, what posts.  Following that totally unpredictable and intelligible bit of information began to drain my energy.  At first I thought it was all up to me to generate traffic all the the time.  I have also let go of that.  I have let go of competing with the people who get big followers and lots of re-tweets.  I have had to face this aspect that is part of working on the web where so many people are seeking attention.  To deal with this competitive part, it was important for me to re-examine my intention.  Why am I doing this?  Who am I doing it for?

My conclusion finally reached was to accept that I have no choice but to do this.  It is a kind of inner drive that actually nourishes my creative spirit, enlightens me to far reaches of events, pulls me into contact with unheard of experiments and shoots of out-of-the-box thinking.  It is fun when I relax and let go.  It is exciting when I rest in-between.  Just as in my whole consulting career, it is hard to really know if you are making a difference or not. You just have to let go of expectations, let go of wanting to know how individuals are touched.  This was a good realization.  I can live and work with it.

The last piece that I have had to face is that fact that perhaps there may come a time when no inspiration comes to write a piece.  If that time comes, I have accepted that there are many others who are doing similar things.  This is a joint project, even if we don’t see each other.  Many of us are reaching out with good news.  And many of them are done by very savvy media geeks, who know way more than I do.  And so I trust that this is all OK.  And then I can find a balance during this very fascinating time.  And I am grateful for it all.